June 8, 2018
This is life in color…
Before I begin, a few prefaces:
First preface: this will be incredibly long, that I am
aware. And I’m taking the time to make
you equally aware as I don’t fully expect you to necessarily stay with me word
for word here. So, if you need to dip,
let me go a little off script here and put the point of this all first, so that
if you take nothing else away from this, simply take this message: do it.
Whatever it is in your life that you are either putting off or saying “I
can’t right now” or “I will do it later, when I have saved more money or more
time for it…” Stop putting if off and do
it. Pursuing moments- that is truly what
life is about. Nothing simply will
happen to you; you have to make things happen for you.
The second preface is me being upfront about why I am even
writing this. It isn’t simply to go on
and on and on about what I just experienced for no real reason. And it isn’t simply to endlessly annoy Will…
though that’s always an added bonus (love you, rivalry brother). No, the reason I am doing this is incredibly
selfish. I recently found out that one
of my family members is struggling with dementia. We aren’t close, so this isn’t a pity party
for me (incredibly sad for her and her family, of course)… but it got me
thinking. Close or not, we are
genetically related and anytime anyone you share genes with suffers from
something, at some point, you start realizing that affliction is now in your
line. Doesn’t mean I will also suffer
from this awful disease, but it certainly raised my awareness to the
possibility. And I can’t think of many
things that could be worse than the decline and eventual total loss of my
memory. Memory is something that has
always served me so well- I can remember any date, any number, any event. I can tell you what song was playing that
time we walked into that restaurant and what you ordered for your meal. I often serve as the memory for my best
friend Stacy who likely cannot remember what she even ate for lunch
yesterday. God love her, but the woman
has no memory! There are many things I
wish I were better at- geography, geometry, reading a map- but my memory is
always the one thing I have known was as good as, if not better than,
anyone’s. So, finding out that a disease
now runs in my genes that could strip me of this- scares me. It scares me for any given memory I have ever
had. And it scared me enough to think: I
just had the best 5 days of my entire life… I want to remember every single
moment of it for as long as I live… and the only way I can cement that is to write
it all down. So, that’s why I’m here. To put down on paper the memories that I hope
will stay with me forever.
Here we go:
There’s an annual camp, a fantasy camp as it is billed, at
Duke University in Durham, North Carolina that Coach Mike Krzyzewski puts on
every year (http://kacademy.com/). The premise of the camp being that it is a
“once in a lifetime experience for the ultimate Duke or college basketball
fan.” I don’t need to walk you through
my fandom. If you’re reading this, you
know it. You’ve seen the endless
posts. You know the tattoo. You’ve met me, most likely, and you can’t
escape that which I present right off the bat: I live and breathe Duke
basketball and I have for my entire life.
I grew up so immersed specifically in the rivalry of Duke and UNC (my
Dad worked for Duke, my Mom for UNC) that I honestly don’t even know where Duke
ends and I begin. And I wouldn’t have it
any other way. It defines me. I have met many
people in my life that, if you met them and asked them today, what I do for
work or what my dogs names are or what particular city I’m currently living in,
they couldn’t tell you. But there is no
doubt in my mind that any given person who has spent at least 5 minutes with me
would be able to tell you what my greatest passion in life is, and that is
Duke. Some people may not even remember
my name after we meet, but they always will remember that. And that’s perfectly fine with me.
So, the camp. It is 5
days, once a year, and the requirements are two-fold: you have to be at least
35 years old and you have to pay the $10,000 fee to attend. My birthday is July 18, 1981, so as of K
Academy XV (in 2017), I was eligible to attend.
Only problem then was: I was still recovering from a basketball injury
that resulted in a broken foot, torn ligaments and dislocation and I hadn’t
been cleared by my doctor at Duke to return to sports activities yet. So, that year’s camp (2017) came and
went. Later that same year, in December,
my wife Ariana and I decided to move back to the NYC area from NC (we moved to
NC from NYC in 2014, did the NC thing for 3 years and decided, yeah, we really
love NYC and need to get back there- we settled on a house we purchased in
NJ). As luck would have it, the housing
market in Durham, NC is pretty rock solid right now. Durham is on the major come-up and real
estate is feeling those effects. We sold
our house in about 2 weeks, with no realtor, and headed back up north. The luck part being: for a house we only
lived in for 2 years, we made a nice little profit- nothing extraordinary, but
a nice little cushion for our move back.
Yay. I thought nothing
significant of it other than what a nice little boost for our savings account,
especially after a big move. You can
imagine my surprise when- and my memory being so great that I remember exactly
where I was standing in our living room when this happened- Ariana said to me:
“I think we should take the money we made from the house and you should go to K
Academy this year.” It was the very end
of January 2018 and I thought: “Yeah.
Right. Ariana.” In my mind I am thinking: she has either had
too much coffee or has taken up day drinking.
I didn’t take her seriously at all.
She was completely stone-faced serious.
She proceeded to tell me things I of course already knew (“this is your
lifelong dream” and “no one would get more out of this experience than you”)
and then told me what I needed to hear to push me over the hump and into
thinking this could actually be real (“this is likely the only time we will
ever be in a position to do this”). I
thought about it and realized, whether she’s serious or not, I’m going to jump
on this before she changes her mind. I
went into work the next day, pulled up the form online and emailed it to Rachel
Curtis, Assistant Athletic Director, Athletics Facilities Branding and Director
of the Basketball Legacy Fund at Duke.
Actually, no, first I had to do some research. I had looked at this camp for years and years
and years online- and it’s always looked like my absolute dream- but one thing
I also noticed was: I’ve never seen a female in any of the photos of the
campers. I read page by page of the
internet profile for K Academy and noticed that the wording, especially as it
came to the eligibility, was very particular: “you must be at least 35 years of
age or older and physically able to engage in the various camp activities and
games.” That’s it. It doesn’t say you must be a man at least 35 years
or older; in fact nowhere does it say anything about gender. It says “campers”, “participants”, but not
“guys” or “men”. I wasn’t entirely sure,
but I decided I was going for it and the worst they could say is “no.” However, I wasn’t coming to this meekly. I’ve seen the photos. I’ve seen the videos. There was zero doubt in my mind that I could
hang with every single one of the people who have attended. Didn’t mean I thought I was going to go there
and leave their ankles on the court… but I knew they weren’t doing that to me
either. And I pretty much said just that
to Rachel- that I could hold my own and wasn’t afraid to get in there with any
guy (my Dad is somewhere laughing right now thinking, “yeah, you aren’t afraid to get in there with any guy
because all you do is roam the 3 point line... not really in any danger of
getting too hurt out there.”). You can
imagine my excitement when I received the following right back from Rachel: “I
have received your registration, and of course you can attend! As you may know,
we have only had one female participant in the past, but that most certainly is
not because women are not allowed.” Holy
crap: I’m in. My mind was blown. I could have legitimately floated down to NC
that very moment. I remember thinking:
“I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL MAY” but then also being conflicted, as we were smack in
the middle of basketball season and thinking “Ah dang. That means basketball season will be over
though.” I made my peace with it, no
doubt. (Quick side-note on that whole
“one female participant in the past” part.
Turns out, Jeni Kim and I share a mutual friend and Jeni was kind enough
to connect with me before the camp and really give me a rundown of what to
expect. I appreciate her so much for
that, but more than that, I appreciate her for being the one who blazed the
trail for me, and any other female, to attend.
I owe her an endless amount of gratitude and I will forever be
thankful.)
So, I’m in.
Awesome. Now I had to hit my
first obstacle in this: telling my Mother.
Anyone reading this who knows me: that needs no further
explanation. Anyone reading this who
doesn’t really know me or Linda Goswick, let me put it this way: my Mom would
do anything for me… but she also prefers to still mother the hell out of
me. I don’t know if it’s because I’m the
youngest or because I moved to NYC right after undergrad graduation so she
still thinks of me as that “kid” she had to come to the Principal’s office for
grades K-12 (no exaggeration) to discuss my talking in class… but I’ll give you
an example. As I said, I moved to NYC,
on my own knowing exactly one person,
put myself through grad school up here, got married and essentially became an
adult. Imagine that. But my Mom?
With the very best intentions, while visiting me once in NYC, was with
me when I swung by my office to pick up my paycheck and as I was walking to the
bank, she looked at me, completely seriously, and said, “now Sarah, do you want
me to put some of that in my account for you so you can save it?” That’s just her modus operandi when it comes
to me: she parents me to death. I love
her for it, but I knew this was not
going to go over well- me spending $10,000 on a 5 day camp. This is a woman who scoffs when Ariana and I
go to a Broadway play for fear that we are spending too much money. She does the same thing if we go out to dinner
(“Do y’all go out for every
meal?” “No, but we do go out sometimes
on a SATURDAY
NIGHT, Mom.” “OK, I just want to
make sure you aren’t blowing all your money.”)
I went back and forth on how I was going to approach this because 1) I
needed her to come up to our house in NJ for the 5 days to watch our dogs and
2) I decided I was not going to lie
to her about it- I wasn’t going to tell her I won it, I wasn’t going to tell
her we “found” ten thousand dollars. I
was going to be upfront and just deal with it.
I told her one day, via email (that was as courageous as I could muster
up), and was shocked: she was totally supportive! She was super excited for me! And she was totally in to come up and watch
the dogs. I completely sidestepped that
landmine. Only, I knew this was
temporary. I knew it was only a matter
of time before she would get the idea to look up the camp online and figure it
out. And that day came on February 20,
2018 at 3:02PM.
The text reads: “You must be kidding. I looked at Coach K Academy and is says
10,000. Tell me this is a joke.” And then a follow-up of “Are you serious. Makes me feel so foolish for all I have done
to help y’all thinking you needed help.
Guess not. This is for people
with lots of money who want the prestige.
What are you thinking.” NOW
THAT’S THE LINDA GOSWICK I KNOW AND LOVE!
After a little bit of back and forth with me doing my absolute best not
to take the bait and instead stay levelheaded and certain in my decision, the conversation
ended. She had now told me she would not
come up to help with the dogs (this was her effort to make me change my mind)
and just went on and on about how foolish I was being. I was dejected but I wasn’t changing my
mind. We didn’t speak for a few
days. She was furious at me. And then, she was over it. She was on board even. In other words, unbeknownst to me, Ariana had
intervened and made my Mom understand how important this was to me (not that
she needed that understanding; she
knows) and made her understand that no matter what financial strain this may
put on us, we were going to make it work because this was a literal dream come
true for me.
My Dad needed no such coaxing. He was beyond excited for me from the
get-go. Our conversation went something
like this:
“Dad, I’m going to K Academy this year and I think you can
come as a guest.”
“That’s incredible!
How exciting. I’m there! I’m sure that didn’t come cheap.”
“Yeah, $10,000. Mom
is not pleased.” Nervous laughter.
“Hahahaha, I’m sure she isn’t! I think it’s great. There are many things in my life I wish I had
done and didn’t for some reason. If you
can do it, do it.”
NOW THAT’S THE PETE GOSWICK I KNOW AND LOVE!
If my Mom is an expert Apache helicopter parent, my Dad is a
“you do you and as long as you are happy and aren’t hurting anyone, that’s all
I care about” parent. It’s the perfect
balance I need to chase my dreams but not go too out of the pocket with
them.
I can’t believe I’ve gone on for this long and haven’t even
gotten to the camp yet. My bad,
everybody.
So, February, March, April and all of May come and go. Duke doesn’t win the National Championship as
I hoped, and the loss to Kansas was so hard to take. I mean, an OT loss, to Kansas in the Elite 8?
That’s rough. And I don’t take
any Duke loss well, but the last one of the season, especially when it is
Grayson Allen’s last game, that’s hard to swallow. But, the haze soon lifted: K Academy will be here soon!
May 29, 2018: the journey begins.
Mom had come up the weekend before and we spent time
planting and just hanging out. That
Tuesday, Ariana and I left Mom with the dogs and cats in NJ and drove down to
NC. To give an idea of how excited we
were: I don’t leave the house in the
morning for work without at least a 5 minute goodbye session with the dogs,
particularly Jake. It’s as though I’m
leaving for a world tour when in reality, I’ll be back in 9 hours. On Tuesday, May 29th… we were
essentially crossing the border out of New Jersey when Ariana turned to me in
the car and said: “We didn’t even say goodbye to the dogs and cats!” We were shocked. And really disappointed in
ourselves. Not to worry though, we
promptly FaceTimed them via Mom. But
that’s just how pumped we were.
So, we get down to Durham and are staying at my Mom’s house
that night. Having lived in Durham for
the previous 3 years, and me also having grown up there, we knew there were 2
things we had to do that night: have
dinner at Pizzeria Toro and then swing by Parlour. It was the perfect way to start the week of
my life. Those two places are as good as
it gets- and that’s coming from two people who take full advantage of what NYC
has to offer in terms of food.
That night, it was like every single Christmas Eve of my
life rolled into one. Thank goodness for
Melatonin- otherwise there is zero chance I was getting even 10 minutes of
sleep.
Wednesday, May 30, 2018:
I am up immediately
and ready. Like 6:30AM. Of course, registration doesn’t actually
begin until 10AM at the Washington Duke, so my morning consisted of a quick run
to Dunkin Donuts and then a lot of pacing.
Pacing, pacing, pacing. Time
check, time check, time check. Finally,
it was realistic enough to get in the car and drive the 8 minutes from Mom’s
house to the Washington Duke.
10:00AM: I fight my intense desire to literally RUN to the
registration table that is down the hall from the lobby and Ariana and I
instead to “play it cool” and sit on a couch near the lobby and wait a
bit.
That lasted maybe 4 minutes.
I had to go check in. Cool
schmool. I walk back and immediately am
met by what will be the theme for the entire weekend: the nicest, kindest,
friendliest and most genuine people.
From the ladies and gentlemen doing the registration check-in, to the
basketball managers who assist in pulling our K Academy duffle bag and shoes,
to Rachel Curtis and Debbie Savarino who come up and each say to me:
“Sarah! Hi! We are so glad you are here!” I was taken aback by the fact that they
immediately knew who I was and were completely genuine in their approach. It all comes from the top and I knew- with
these two running this event, combined with Mike Cragg, I was about to be blown
away. I had no idea though how
incredible it would get. Every moment
was legitimately better than the one before.
Ariana and I get our room keys and head up to the room. I’m dying to get inside the room and open
this heavy duffle bag that is on my shoulder.
I am a Nike and Duke swag fanatic, so my world was about to be tipped on
its axis. I opened the bag and it was
awesome shirt after awesome shirt- this one says K Academy (meaning:
EXCLUSIVE!), this one says DUKE, I LOVE THESE K ACADEMY SWEATPANTS, oooooh look
at these awesome LeBron shoes, I love these socks, there’s a bookbag in here,
not sure what I’m going to do with these briefs but I.WILL.MAKE.IT.WORK! I
mean, it went on and on and on. I was in
Heaven. Ariana jokes that if they had
said: “OK, that’s it! That’s the camp!”
that I would’ve been like- “Works for me! Best time of my life! Thanks for
having us!” And she’s not entirely
wrong. But, this was just the beginning
and my goodness were we off to a good start.
Next we went over to the K Center as it was open at 1:30 for
anyone who wanted to come shoot around.
Sign me right on up! I shot
around for about an hour where many Duke players- past, present and future-
were mulling around. I have an
incredible ability, for me, to completely zone out when I am playing basketball
but this was going to be an ultimate test for me. Just shooting around while Zion Williamson
and Cam Reddish walk around. Lay-ups and
oh, there’s Tre and Tyus Jones. This was
a true mental test.
At 2:30, we went up to Scharf Hall where we had our formal
introduction. Duke players lined the
sides of the front of the room and by this point, Ariana and my Dad had joined
me. And then it happened: the door
toward the back of Scharf Hall opened, as Mike Cragg the Deputy Director of
Athletics at Duke, was speaking and there he was: Coach K.
Standing at the back of the room that I was sitting in. I’ve been in a room a million times with
Coach K- it’s just that in the past, that “room” has been a stadium that holds,
at minimum 9,314 people (Cameron) and at maximum, 19,812 people (Madison Square
Garden). This was a touch
different. I was completely
sidetracked. I could barely even focus
on the amazing program media guide that they had given us. On that note, I must say here: there is NO
detail that is overlooked at this camp.
They do it up. If the premise of
the camp is that you are meant to live the experience of what it would be like
to have been a Duke basketball player, they don’t miss it even by a beat. No stone is left unturned, no detail is too
small, no expense spared.
Coach K soon came to the podium and gave a talk that would
set the tone for who he was for the next 5 days: he was invested, and he was funny.
Do you know how many times I’ve watched this man be
interviewed? Read his post-game
quotes? Watched him game after game after
game? I’ve been amused, sure, but on a
list of adjectives I’d use to readily describe him, funny might not be in my
top 5. He’s not unfunny in those moments, but postgame press conferences and
halftime talks are usually just not the place for “haha moments.” So, this was an awesome side to see. It made this that much more personalized
too. Millions of people have seen the
business side of Coach K; we were seeing the human side now too.
The K Academy XV National Championship team was then called
up by Coach K and recognized for their title the previous year. They were given commemorative watches for
their championship and this too would set another standard for the week: prepare to be recognized and celebrated. K Academy has cornered the market on how to
celebrate individual achievements at K Academy in the way of returning: based
on whatever year it is that you have returned, there is a specific celebration
marked by memorabilia. After a certain
number of years, you receive a tent right outside of K-ville with
individualized posters marking your tent; one year is the year of the
bobblehead; one year is the year of the senior night video; one year is the
year of the player trading cards- you
being the player; one year is the year of the FatHead- you as a FatHead; one year is the year of the photo plaque- again, you being the one photographed; one year
is the year of the matted photo of yourself at K Academy; one year is the year
of you being commemorated on a Coke can; one year is the sports jacket. But there is one year in particular that I
don’t care how big or small of a Duke fan you are, how much or little you
follow any sports whatsoever… this moment will get you all kinds of messed up. Go
into Cameron. Look up. What do you see? Lots of things, right? ACC Tournament banners. ACC Regular Season banners. A banner that notes that Coach K is the
winningest Coach in Division 1 basketball history. You see 5 of the most glorious sites you can
imagine: 5 banners with the words NATIONAL CHAMPIONS emblazoned on them. And you see player jersey banners: Dick
Groat, Mike Gminski, Johnny Dawkins, Danny Ferry, Art Heyman, Christian
Laettner, Bobby Hurley, Grant Hill, Jeff Mullins, Shane Battier, Jay Williams,
Shelden Williams and J.J. Redick. But for
5 days spanning May and June? Look up
there. There’s your jersey. Hanging in the
rafters. In Cameron. That’ll knock you back, to be sure. I haven’t hit that milestone as this was my
first camp, but in the event I do one day, good luck ever getting that jersey
back down- I’m cementing that thing up there!
Back to the events.
So, Coach K recognized the reigning K Academy National Champs and at
this point all I can think is: “Wow, my knees would be wobbly if I had to go up
there and get this recognition from him.”
I am so invested in this moment that it takes my Dad pointing out to me
that he has now flipped through the media guide and ascertained that I will be
wearing jersey number 22. ARE. YOU.
KIDDING. ME? I get to wear a jersey that
says Duke on the front, the number 22 and Goswick on the back? 22 as in the number that Jay (I still
struggle not to slip up and say Jason) Williams wore? Come on, man.
This can’t be real. And full
circle moment: he just so happens to be my Dad’s favorite Duke player in
history. My Dad: the very reason I am a
Duke fan to begin with. I know he’s
dying inside. And I’m happily dying on
the outside for anyone to see. No
shame.
We are dismissed from Scharf and go pick up our jerseys at
the bottom of the stairs. Putting that
jersey on for the first time was a feeling I never want to, and never will,
forget. I knew these jerseys were part
of the experience and I had already told Ariana: when I die, I want to be
buried in my K Academy jersey. I say
that not to be morbid; I say that to be completely serious. I don’t care how old I am… if I have to take
this heart shaped toe ring tattoo literally to my grave, I’m taking the jersey
too. It’s that simple.
I’ll pick it up a little here.
We now go down to K Center courts and have player
evaluations. This consists of some
stretching and then lay-up and shooting lines followed by shoot-around and
scrimmages. Nothing too difficult, but
again, keep in mind that all of the Duke players- past, present and future- are
walking around and now they have clipboards.
They’re watching us and they’re, well, evaluating us. Reason being: they are about to go back
upstairs and have a closed-door draft.
The next 3 days are meant to be the regular season (2 games each day on
Thursday and Friday; 1 game on Saturday) and then Sunday is the tournament (3
or 4 games, back to back to back… to back to win the K Academy XVI National
Championship).
So, off they go and back to the Washington Duke we go. I’m beyond riding high at this point. My mind can’t even compute the level of
excitement and awesomeness I am completely immersed in. Not witnessing; immersed in.
7:30pm begins Draft Night.
Again, Ariana and I are easily the first people there- we could’ve
basically opened the doors for the catering staff to arrive- so in another
attempt to play it cool, we decide to walk up to where our season ticket seats
are (shout out to Section 12, Row Q) and then mosey around the Museum for the
millionth time. And, again, I did that
for as long as I possibly could (read: 5 minutes) and then we headed down.
I’ve been to Cameron far too many times to count. I went to basketball camp here when I was
15. I grew up going to games here. My high school graduation was held on this
floor. It doesn’t matter. Every single time I walk into this building
and onto this floor, I am taken aback.
It’s so impactful to me to stand there and let myself be absorbed by the
history that has happened on this floor.
It never gets old and it never doesn’t register with me. Every single time.
This time though, it looks different- intentionally so. It’s been made even more intimate (which is
really saying something for a building that doesn’t even hold 10,000
people). Cocktail tables are set up, the
scoreboard has been lowered closer to the floor, and a curtain separates the
socializing side from the dinner side.
Yeah, we’re about to have dinner in Cameron, down at the floor. How many people can say that? Not too many.
This night is where camp went to another level for me
too. You gather from the price tag (and
my Mom’s exact reaction) that this camp attracts a certain person: an affluent
one. Not 100% of the population is a
Fortune 500 person (hey there, Sarah and Ariana), but the great majority are. This was a part that I was shaky on. Not because I don’t know how to socialize
with people from different circles, I do, but sometimes, it’s intimidating and
sometimes, frankly, people with a certain achievement in wealth can be a little
harder for me to relate to- or better, I worried it might be harder for them to
relate to me. Earlier in the day during
his talk, Coach K told us how great of an opportunity this camp is to
socialize, meet others and network. The
purchase of the Atlanta Hawks apparently was sparked from a meeting that
occurred at K Academy. Which:
awesome. But also: am I going to feel
out of place now? This was 100% on me
and I am so incredibly happy to say that I was completely, totally and
absolutely: DEAD WRONG. From the moment
we walked in to Cameron that night, Ariana and I were approached at some point
by pretty much everyone. They told us
how happy they were that we were there.
They were entirely invested. They
talked to us about their families, where they live, what they do- not just for
work, but what their passion in life was.
They asked us all about ourselves, our dogs, our families, my love for
Duke. It was completely normal. Not one person was aloof, presumptuous,
arrogant, brash… nothing like that. And
that goes for everyone- campers,
staff, coaches, Duke players. Greg
Paulus walked around introducing himself by his first and last name. I wanted to be like, “I know who you are Greg
Paulus!” But that’s just how everyone
was- completely unassuming and kind. I’ve never been so happy to have been so
needlessly worried. I’ve never felt so
welcomed and so wanted as I did these 5 days and it all started right away. I told Debbie and Rachel after the camp ended
that they should really take a step back and realize how much they are doing
right to be able to attract the level of character that this camp does and to
really be proud of the relationships that are fostered out of it. That says so much about Duke, Coach K, the camp
and their effort. If you get back what
you put in, then they are really putting it in.
OK, the Draft. Full
disclosure, Ricky Price came up to me moments before the Draft began and told
me he was drafting me to be a part of Team Charlotte. A quick historical fact: I have always worn
the number 3. It’s my number, it was
always my jersey number and it is completely attributed to one person: Ricky
Price. I loved this man at Duke. He made me fall in love with the three- both
the number and the shot. So, you can
imagine what this moment was like for me.
I just kept thinking to myself- the kid in me would be dying right now…
and the adult in me is! I am so thankful
that he told me he was taking me because, 1) he was taking me and 2) I
knew when to somewhat expect being called.
And turns out, Team Charlotte was first on the clock. So, I was able to get it over with right
away. Not because I wanted to “get it
over with” but because I am a naturally shy person 99% of my life. The 1% of the time I’m not shy- when I am
playing basketball and particularly, when I am shooting a three. I have always felt like I could relate to any
player, for example, Grayson Allen, who was one person on the court and another
off of it. I am shy when you meet me…
but if I hit a three and you’re on the court, you and your entire family are
going to know about it.
Every player was drafted and got their moment on the
stage. I was lucky to be drafted to Team
Charlotte coached by Ricky Price, Cherokee Parks, Mike Buckmire and
Player-Coach LuAnn Crosby. I was so excited. I’ll get to my teammates later and I swear
I’ll try to keep my lovefest for them as minimal as I can- because I could go
on and on and on about them. For
real. But I’ll try to keep it
concise-ish.
This was also the night that they unveiled the newest
retired jerseys and like I said before: that’s a moment, whether it’s for you
or not, that will get you good. That’s
some special stuff.
After dinner finished up, we were all winding down and
preparing to head out. Everyone was
sharing their excitement to get started the next day… we all were holding or
wearing our Draft hats (again, they don’t miss a single detail at this camp)…
lots of people were walking around to find the basketball decal that was on the
floor of Cameron that said their name and their number so that they could kneel
down and take a photo with it.
I had one goal in mind: get a picture with Coach K. Only, I wasn’t sure of myself enough
yet. So, naturally, I sent in
Ariana. Only, damned if she didn’t get
momentarily star-struck.
“Coooooooooooach”, she said, her voice cracking. And then turned around the most genuine (I’m
going to beat that word to death, but it fits), kind, and completely tuned-in
person. He stood there and talked to
Ariana, told us how happy he was that we were there… and then said some other
stuff that frankly I don’t remember because I was trying to take in the
moment. My Dad came over and introduced
himself and they talked for a bit and then Dad read my mind and said: “Let me
get a picture of you 3.” My father the
hero.
This literally was all I needed from camp. I had my bag.
I had my jersey. I had my photo
with Coach K. I was set. Only, I was just getting started. By the end of the night, I had taken another
photo with Coach K- only this time it also included Tre Jones, Tyus Jones and
Amile Jefferson. Little did I know that
by the end of the camp, this would be commonplace, but for me, at that moment…
I was floating. You try sleeping after
that. But, I had to sleep. The next day
started early.
Thursday, May 31, 2018:
Thursday, May 31, 2018:
Each day we met in the breakfast area- and I’m talking like
6:30AM. And that’s 6:30AM with no coffee
for fear of getting dehydrated. We ate
breakfast (for those of us that can eat that early) and got our freshly cleaned
jerseys and gear from the managers who brought our laundry nets. Following a team practice, my team had 2
games that day.
We didn’t win either game, but we showed marked improvement from our
morning game to our afternoon one. I
didn’t feel great about how I particularly had played after our first
game. My shot wasn’t falling and even
though it was right there, it wasn’t
falling. I don’t know how a player like
Steph Curry can do it. That guy can be
0-9 and he just keeps shooting. I think
it’s incredible. I remember when Rodney
Hood played for Duke and in an interview, Coach K said something to the effect
of Rodney being one of the only players he has coached that believes every shot
he shoots should go in. Should go in. There is a massive difference in the thinking
behind should go in and will go in. Steph Curry is a “my shot will go in” guy. The step before that though is the hump you
have to get over- the “my shot should
go in.” It’s a hump because when you
reach the level thinking it will go
in, you can easily move on to the next one with the full confidence that it
actually will go in. Next play.
When you are stuck at the should
go in stage, you can get in your head. Should can rock your confidence because
when it doesn’t go in, you are left questioning yourself. After our game
Thursday morning, I was feeling very much in the should stage of shooting. I
don’t say it much aloud, but I can get very affected by missing shots. I can look at any box score all day long and
see that even the greatest shooters hover in the high 40% range- and these are
players who I think can shoot the hell out of the ball- but I know me and I know
I would have such a tendency to focus on the other 60% instead. So, when it’s really not falling, I can fall
into a funk. But, sometimes, you just
need that one person to step in and say what you need to hear. And on that day- it was Debbie Krzyzewski
Savarino. (I put the maiden name in there because, well, you get it.) As Ariana and I were walking back into
Cameron to get ready for my second game, Debbie made a beeline for me. And there was no confusion in her voice or
tone… no vacillating or wavering whatsoever.
“Sarah. (Pointing to herself.) Debbie. (Like I the lifelong Duke fan didn’t know who she was, please). Shoot.
The. Ball. I watched your game before and said, ‘they
don’t have any three point shooting.’ And then you came in. Shoot.
The. Ball.” I laughed and she didn’t. “Oh.
OK.” Ariana, in a tone of ‘I’ve
been telling her this and she won’t listen to me”: “Thank you! Who is this coming from?” “Me”, Debbie said. For someone who has a direct sightline to
Debbie’s seats when Duke plays at Cameron, I have seen her at every game. She is 100% Coach K and Mrs. K’s
daughter. She ain’t at the games to
socialize… she’s at them to get after it. Every cheer.
Every chant. Every clap. Every play.
Every game. So when Debbie tells
you to shoot, you shoot.
Our next game started and BOOM. Three ball up, three ball in. I told you have I have an ability to block
everything out when I play. I rarely
know where anyone is in the stands and I rarely hear anything outside of those court
lines. But I also told you that if I hit
a three, you and your family are going to know about it. But in this moment, there was one person who
I knew exactly where they were and there was one person I wanted to let know
about it: and that was Debbie. I hit the
shot and immediately turned and pointed to her.
She got me over that hump. The should hump had been cleared: when I shoot, it will go in. (Appreciate
that, Debbie.)
This was an awesome day for me, losses notwithstanding, and
now we were headed to cocktails and dinner and watching the first game of the
NBA Playoffs with Coach K at the Washington Duke. This was already super cool to me- getting to
watch a game with Coach K- that’s a bucket-list item for sure. And lo and behold, it got even better. Game is on, I’m sitting there talking with
one of my favorite people Ariana and I met at the camp, Chip Engelland, and I
feel a tap on my shoulder. Oh, hey,
Coach K. Yeah, just a little
rattling. “I saw you today. Be ready tomorrow. You don’t want to be a one-shot wonder.” I
laughed, he didn’t (I clearly don’t have a gauge on when the Krzyzewski family
is joking or not). Ariana then blew up
my spot and said that I pointed to Debbie after I made my three. “I saw that.
I see lots of things. I saw you
profiling.” All I could think of was
that scene in Love & Basketball when Monica shoots and holds the pose and
her coach is not impressed. Thankfully, he chuckled then.
Chip, being the awesome human he
is, told me how cool he thought that moment was, after Coach K returned to his
seat. A few moments later, I hear:
“Sarah!” I know that voice. It’s Coach K again! “You gonna be ready
tomorrow?” I looked him dead in the eye
and said without hesitation: “Yes I am.”
And intended to be. So, I needed
to get out of there and go to sleep. Of
course, this means I missed the ending of Game 1 in which, apparently, NBA
basketball went crazy, but whatever- I needed the sleep.
Friday, June 1, 2018:
Unless there comes a day in which I win the lottery or something, and probably not even then, this date will forever fall second only to my wedding as the best day of my life.
Unless there comes a day in which I win the lottery or something, and probably not even then, this date will forever fall second only to my wedding as the best day of my life.
We had two games again- one in
the morning and one in the afternoon.
Our first game, we won! I didn’t
shoot particularly great, but I also didn’t hesitate to continue to shoot it even
when they weren’t falling. I really
credit and appreciate Chip for coming up to me afterward and saying “You won
the game by 20. You didn’t need your
shot to fall then. When you need it, it
will fall. Keep shooting.” Keep shooting. If I had a dollar for every time someone- a
coach, a friend, a spectator, a player, a teammate, anyone- told me those two
words this past week, I could pay next year’s K Academy tuition. Everyone refused to let me backtrack to the should hump. We also had one of the coolest moments of
camp this day: film session. We went in
the men’s locker room where the lockers had been transformed to be ours with
our names on them and we watched film of our earlier game. It was awesome.
I knew my shot hadn’t fallen the
game before, but I let what Chip said really wash over me. “When you need it, it will fall.” I stayed up and readied myself for our next
game. And our next game, it
clicked. We were down nearly double
digits and I needed my shot. I got space
and lined one up: cash. Next play, I got
space again and set my feet: money. A
couple plays later, I found daylight and I wasn’t missing it: bam.
We were hanging in the game and I
was feeling it. I wish I could say we
won, but we didn’t. But, just like every
game before it, we were markedly better than the one before. Coach K came up to our huddle after this game
and gave sound advice to everyone on how to improve and stay composed. It was this moment, for me, that the star-struck
feeling wore off. Yes, he’s still Coach K and that won’t ever be lost on
me, but I was now able to let this really all sink in and take it at face
value. When he talks, you listen. And if you listen, you’ll hear
something. I made sure to listen.
That night, I decided to go with
my gut and wear a shirt that means a great deal to me: my “Tupac wearing
Capel’s jersey” shirt. These evening
events have verged on a little classier than t-shirt attire, so I threw a
collared shirt on underneath it, put my glasses on, and we headed out to Scharf
Hall for dinner. This is as close to a
celebrity as I have ever felt. I was
riding high about having found my shot in the most recent game (normally, yes,
that wouldn’t even matter to me since we lost, but this is fantasy camp- not
the NCAA Final Four, so I was able to make my peace with that) and people were
loving the Tupac shirt. I was feeling
good. Then, we sat down for dinner. Coach K took the podium to speak to us all-
probably about 200 or so of us were there including all the Duke players at
camp, etc.- and as he’s speaking, he refers to all of the campers as “you
guys.” I take zero offense to this and
legitimately could not care less, but to his credit, Coach K has made a point
all camp to make sure whenever he does this, to correct himself and say that he
either means that in general terms, or to change his language to say “and you
ladies.” (He actually came up to me
earlier in camp and explained just that- “when I say ‘you guys’, I just refer
to everyone as that.” He also told me
he’s going to prefer to say “hi” to me by saying “yo” as that’s something he
learned from Bobby Hurley and he likes saying it. I told him I took no offense by the “guys”
language and that I looked forward to my next “yo.”) This time, on the podium, he corrected
himself in the way of saying “and ladies.
We have a couple of ladies this year.”
And then it happened. No way will
I get this wording exactly right because I lost my damn mind, but it went
something like this: “You guys. And ladies.
We have a couple of ladies this year.
And incidentally, I don’t think anyone has shot it better than
Sarah. The real question is why Ricky
didn’t have her in at the end of the game.
But what do I know, I’ve only been doing this 43 years.”
I should pretty much just end
this writing there. I don’t have
anything further to say. How? How do I have any moment after that? Pursue moments? You pursue a moment after that. I’m maxed out.
In reality, Ariana and I, or the
ghost of me that remained, spent the rest of the night hanging out and talking
and getting to know everyone even more.
We had such a great time talking with Andy Borman and he and Ariana have
lots of professional goals with youth in common which was really cool to talk
about. We walked back to the Washington
Duke having the same conversation as we did every night:
Ariana: “Are you dying?”
Me: “I mean. Yeah. There’s no way I can even process that. I keep thinking that nothing can ever get better, but then each day or night, something new happens and I’m just… yeah.”
Me: “I mean. Yeah. There’s no way I can even process that. I keep thinking that nothing can ever get better, but then each day or night, something new happens and I’m just… yeah.”
I should also note that this was
the night of the silent auction and the stuff that they brought to the table,
in literal terms, was nothing short of awesome.
So much exclusive memorabilia that was going for some serious cash- all
of which went to benefit the Emily K Center.
Which, if you haven’t checked that out, do so (https://www.emilyk.org/). The profits from the auction and raffle go directly to support the Emily K Center, and frankly, these funds couldn’t go to a better cause. My
godsister, Julie Wells, is the Director of PYO in Durham, NC and they have
similar goals and serve similar purposes and similar populations. I have been to benefits for PYO and heard
Julie talk with undying passion and drive about her work with PYO and it is the
most incredible and worthwhile work that there is- the work that PYO and the
Emily K Center do- so, just knowing that an event meant to make my dream a reality also in turn helps
make the students of the Emily K Center’s dreams a reality- it doesn’t get much
better than that.
Saturday, June 2, 2018:
So, we are up to Saturday. A one-game day. And I think I speak for every camper when I
say: thank EVERYTHING for that. I used
the extra time I had on this day the same as I did any other free time I had:
bouncing between the Training Room (top notch training staff on hand to assess
and treat any and every medical need) and the Recovery Lounge. The RL is a room built just for that-
recovery. Massage chairs, comfy couches,
TVs, games, NormaTec Recovery Systems gear… and the thing that Ariana and I
couldn’t get enough of: the refrigerator.
This thing is STOCKED with every drink any athlete in any stage could
ever need. And they are ice
cold. This was seriously a
highlight. I said this about camp: I’ve never been more tired or more sore… but
I’ve also never been so hydrated. In
seriousness, Duke really took every step possible to make sure we were all as
equipped for success as possible. I
mentioned earlier that with the days beginning so early that it was often hard
for some of us to eat breakfast, me being one of those people. As such, the things in the RL fridge and
Training Room were crucial. I could get
my day’s nutrition needs met at any given moment by utilizing all of the
available stock in those rooms. We also
could take advantage of Restorative Yoga classes that were specifically taught
for us- and many of us did. It helped me
immensely.
Before I recap our game on
Saturday, let me tell you about a defining moment of camp for me and anyone who
was in attendance for this game in Cameron: With about 48 or so seconds left
in their game, Coach Marshall Plumlee, with his team up big, put in Dr. Morton
Schulman… Morty. Backtrack to Friday
night, Morty is in his 4th year of K Academy, meaning he is one of
the players who had a senior night video played at Friday night’s dinner. Morty is an older gentleman who, based on his
senior night video, usually serves as a Player-Coach as opposed to strictly a player. His video was a montage of many highlights of
Morty coaching and cheering his team on.
So, back to Saturday. Under a
minute to go. Morty comes in and Ariana
and I (and many, many others- including Coach K) are sitting in Cameron
watching the game. All I hear is
Marshall’s hoarse voice yelling to his team who is lined up on the opposing
free throw block, “GET MORTY THE BALL.”
Free throw goes up, I don’t remember if it went in or not, but one way
or another, Morty’s team has the ball.
They come down and do exactly as their Coach has instructed: they get
Morty the ball. He has a few shot
attempts from a touch outside of his range until he finally steps into his
preferred shooting pocket. Clock is
running down. 10 seconds. It rattles out. 6 seconds.
In and out. He puts it up. 3 seconds left.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.
Morty scored for the first time. When I say Cameron went ballistic, I’m talking like when we got the stop at the end of regulation in 2015 to send the Carolina game to OT; I’m talking like when Grayson hit the game-winner over UVA; I’m talking like when Capel hit the shot. It was pure joy. As I said on social media: this, to me, is EXACTLY what K Academy is about. Yeah- it’s about winning and meeting Coach K and Duke players and socializing and playing in Cameron- but what it’s really about- are these moments. Dr. Schulman scoring his first points and all of Cameron absolutely erupting. It’s about friendship. It’s about teamwork. And it’s about togetherness. These are the memories that will stay with me forever. “It only took me 4 years,” he said after he scored. Well, thank God his 4th year coincided with my 1st. It was a moment to remember forever.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.
Morty scored for the first time. When I say Cameron went ballistic, I’m talking like when we got the stop at the end of regulation in 2015 to send the Carolina game to OT; I’m talking like when Grayson hit the game-winner over UVA; I’m talking like when Capel hit the shot. It was pure joy. As I said on social media: this, to me, is EXACTLY what K Academy is about. Yeah- it’s about winning and meeting Coach K and Duke players and socializing and playing in Cameron- but what it’s really about- are these moments. Dr. Schulman scoring his first points and all of Cameron absolutely erupting. It’s about friendship. It’s about teamwork. And it’s about togetherness. These are the memories that will stay with me forever. “It only took me 4 years,” he said after he scored. Well, thank God his 4th year coincided with my 1st. It was a moment to remember forever.
So, back to Team Charlotte. We didn’t win on Saturday, but we put up a fight.
We played Team Indy, Jon Scheyer’s undefeated team, whose reputation
precedes them. They are known to be one
of, if not the, team to beat each
year. And we gave them all they
wanted.
This was the day my brother,
nieces and best friend Stacy came to watch, so that was an extra cool time for
me.
Team Indy outlasted us, but back
at the Washington Duke, I was talking to one of their coaches, Luol Deng, who
said we were the toughest team they played.
I’ll take a moral victory at a fantasy camp- especially if it’s coming
via Luol Deng. Yessir.
This night was bittersweet as it
was our last night. We were shuttled
over to The University Club for team dinners.
By far the best dinner both food-wise (truth be told though: all of the
food at every meal was superb, no doubt) and company-wise. I mean this with every fiber of my being when
I say it: I love my team. Jason, Keith, Randy, Matt, Adam, Ferol, Dan,
Andy and our coaches Ricky, Cherokee, LuAnn and Mike. I couldn’t have loved this team more. We didn’t win as many games as we may have
liked, but I couldn’t ask for better teammates.
No one at this camp is on the cusp of the NBA. As such, mistakes are made, defensive
assignments are missed, whatever. But
not once… not once… did I hear anything but people picking one another up. No one focused on what we didn’t do… we
focused on what we were going to do.
Next play. I’ve never felt more
uplifted, more supported or more team camaraderie than I did on Team
Charlotte. I've played basketball my entire
life. I’ve had so many teammates. I’ve had so many teammates. I’ve never had any better than those 8 guys.
None better too than those 4 coaches. Do you know how impossible that is
to achieve in 5 days? It’s actually not
supposed to be possible. But we did
that. And we did it by what we said at
the end of every practice and game: TOGETHER.
I can’t thank those 12 people enough for what they brought me in those 5
days. They are what it’s all about.
It’s about being there. It’s
about communication. It’s about
trust. It’s about support. It’s about the next play. And it’s about doing it together. Thank you Jason, Keith, Randy, Matt, Adam,
Ferol, Dan, Andy, Ricky, Cherokee, LuAnn and Mike. I wouldn’t want to play with, or for, anyone
else.
Sunday came and went so
fast. Probably because it’s a single
elimination format and we didn’t win our first game, so we were out. As with every game before, we left it all out
there- not one person took even one play off, ever, and I hit the last shot I put
up- a three. I’ll take it.
The final post-game talk and
huddle was tough. Again, it’s only been
5 days. You’re not supposed to be this invested. I’m not supposed to have tears in my eyes as
LuAnn speaks to us. I’m not supposed to
hear Matt’s voice crack as he talks about these 5 past days. Except, you absolutely are supposed to be
this invested. Anything worth doing, is worth doing right. And when you look
around and see 11 people every bit as invested as you, and as invested in you,
yeah… 5 days or 5 years… this camp affected
me. It changed me. It brought me to
places I couldn’t have imagined. I saw
and felt what it is to be fully supported.
From the moment we stood on that stage together on Wednesday night to
the moment we stood, fists in the air together, and said our final TOGETHER, we were bonded. We couldn’t run from that. We just embraced it. We were invested.
Ariana and I stayed for a couple
more games, had some lunch with my Dad, my friend Mike and his son Christopher who had
come to watch. Every second that ticked
on the clock was another reminder that we were that much closer to this really
being over. And that stung. But, my goodness as cliché as it is, this was
absolutely one of those “don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened”
moments.
I spent a couple more times
that day talking to Coach K and Debbie and trying to convey just how much this
has meant to me. It’s like I keep
waiting to finally find the words that will properly spell it out- but they
just don’t exist. I pushed myself far
out of my comfort zone for this. Meeting
people is not my strong suit… I tend to retreat internally and present as shy. Often my shyness can be mistaken for
disinterest. Nothing could be farther
from the truth- sometimes it’s just really hard for me to engage the way that
seems to come so naturally to others. In
the past, I would use alcohol to ease those situations. I don’t do that anymore. I’ve haven’t shared this with anyone outside
of a very, very small circle of family and friends (I’m also intensely private),
but I recently had to be honest and upfront with myself that the reliance I
have had on alcohol for a very long time had gotten away from me. I no longer necessarily opted to do that; I had
to. Alcohol had gone from being a crutch
in my life to being more like a prosthetic.
It was no longer something I could necessarily opt to leave at home- it
simply came with me. And I was losing
control of that. Correction and honesty time:
I had lost control. With the help of an
incredibly patient and supportive wife- and family and friends- I quit drinking
in its entirety a little over 6 months ago.
It’s not a super long time, yet, but it will be. And I say all of that to get to a point here:
this camp, well, first of all, this camp wouldn’t have been even remotely a
possibility for me if I were still drinking.
No way, shape or form would I have been able to do it. But, let’s just pretend in some alternate
universe that I did go to camp and was still drinking. There is no doubt in my mind that I would
have ruined it for myself by
drinking. My drinking wasn’t a “wake up
in the morning and I have to drink” type thing.
It was a “once I start, I can’t stop” thing and it was particularly bad
any time I went to anything that was exciting.
My poor wife has never enjoyed a wedding or probably even so much as a
party because of my drinking. And I
mentioned before that I’m naturally shy?
Well, the shame I would feel the next day when I was sober (and
hungover) and the now-back-to-regularly-scheduled-programming/shy Sarah was
dealing with the behavior of what not-at-all-shy drinking Sarah had done… it
was overwhelming. I could never make
peace with it. So, for me to have gone
to this camp and gotten through all of the things that made me excited, the
things that made me nervous, the things that made me shy, the moments that
overwhelmed me- and to have done it without ever turning back… makes me proud
of myself. But! What is more than that is: I got a firsthand
experience of what it’s like to do something that matters and do it without
alcohol. I remember every moment from
camp. I took in every moment. And I’m only able to do that as a sober
person- so that entire experience, on top of everything I already mentioned
that it gave me- it gave me something that really stands above all of it- it
gave me a shining example of how good it feels for me to not drink. I wish I was one of those people that many seem to be- someone that can do it in moderation and not go too far. But, I’m not. And I needed something to positively
reinforce why it’s OK for me, and, actually, even better for me, in situations
where I don’t drink… and K Academy XVI will always be what first gave me
that. And for that, I can never really
express how grateful I am. (For those of
you who saw me at the events- when we went to the dinner at University Club and
the one at the Washington Duke, they had nonalcoholic beer- and the other
nights it was either Diet Coke or Seltzer for me. So if you saw me “drinking”, don’t be
concerned that I fell off the wagon, I didn’t.) And let me just repeat, as words to truly convey it escape me: I am just so grateful.
So, that’s pretty much my camp in
a very large nutshell. And I venture
back to what the original purpose and message of this was to begin with:
That thing you want to do?
Do it. Whatever it is in your
life that you are either putting off or saying “I can’t right now” or “I will
do it later, when I have saved more money or more time for it…” Stop putting if off and do it. Pursuing moments- that is truly what life is
about. Nothing simply will happen to
you; you have to make things happen for you.
With the help and support of
family and friends- none of whom were more supportive of me than Ariana- I
chased my dream. This post would go on another 844 pages if I started trying to
express my endless gratitude to her… but I will say that I couldn’t do any of
this- not just this camp, but this life- without her. No one pushes me out of my comfort zone- all while standing there beside me when I need support- more than Ariana. Ariana was so invested in every moment of
this camp- and let me be clear, Duke basketball and sports in general do not
rev her engine… she did that all because I truly believe she’s one of those
rare people who is happiest when those around her are happy- and nothing makes
her happier than seeing me happy. She
was there for every huddle, every practice, every post game talk, everything.
And I couldn’t, and wouldn’t want to, have done this without her.
I chased my dream. And every bit of it came true. Moments I couldn’t have dreamed of came
true. I hope that every single detail of
this experience will never leave me. But
as time goes on, the memories will naturally fade some. But the feelings won’t. Again with the cliché, but the Maya Angelou
quote rings so true: “I’ve learned that
people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people
will never forget how you made them feel.”
I’ll never forget the feeling that this experience gave me. And I hope you all have a chance in life to
find whatever it is that will make you feel the same.
Thank you to every single person
involved in and associated with K Academy XVI.
You have my sincerest appreciation.
